Handwriting

Time has passed
since my way found you
in the middle of nowhere
without even thinking about it.
And just as surprising
is the fact I found myself
holding these feelings about you
when I supposed they won't be
this sweet, this cute...

It's hard to be sure about all this
when I got used to feel sad and sick,
to feel like I've been hurt, to expect
something overwhelming, impossible to handle
and to ignore. It's
even harder to believe I could find
such quietness and joy.

Yes, it takes me a long time
before gathering enough courage
to let  myself fall into the unknown
but I'm just changing some
things deep down inside,
once and forever, so I won't
hurt anyone again when remaining (sic)
silent, quietly letting the time pass me by.

As expected, I just can hope it's
not too late. I mean, it'll
never be too late to be honest,
but sometimes honesty is not enough...
sometimes hope feels too real to be vanished like
a vague tremor who happened and goes quietly
into some kind of forgotten land.

I've heard from you once, that
you usually reveal a
darker side on the ones you loved...
I'm sure I've chosen several times
to be a better me because of sharing
life with you. I ask myself "why
should that be different this time?"
The hope I cherish the most right
now is to choose right once again
and, as I read some time ago,
take the Unknown Island into
the seek for itself... not as lonely
as supposed.

It's time for me to grow up some, I guess.
And luckily, it'll be the right moment for 
many other things.
By now, I know the matter is not
about trusting you (I do already), but
about trusting me first. Can I do
what I'm supposed to do? What am I
supposed to do, by the way! There're
a million different things that
come to me while reflecting about
my feelings and I got frightened
of doing any of those and fail,
losing something that took us years
to build, a friendship that made
my life better. Somehow, I expect
that the confidence in between will
help, whatever we've decided then.
I just have decided about how to
live... and it'll be anything but silent.

Te quiero mucho y eso sí que lo
tengo claro, así sienta ahora mismo
que me equivoqué al darle alas a esta idea,
no porque esté mal sino porque parece
ser sólo mía y así no durará mucho, supongo...

***

Manuscrito no enviado a C. Fechado "VIII / 06"