Amputation

Nunca he sido amigo de cuidar un teléfono móvil. Me fastidia ponerles cristales adicionales, carcazas y amarraderas. Los voy rayando lentamente en la cubierta posterior por hacerlos girar mientras espero en una mesa. Normalmente la pantalla no se raya con llaves o monedas. Siempre he creído innecesario tanto cuidado y tanto detalle para algo que debería funcionar de forma adecuada por sí solo. Si le pasa algo así no más es porque en principio su diseño es deficiente.

Recuerdo a Iván comprando unos cristales protectores para la pantalla de su celular nuevo, haciendo una mezcla casi ritual de checo, inglés y danza tribal. Tanto esfuerzo para mantener reluciente algo que está hecho para usarse. El apego a las cosas como temor permanente. Sí, ya se que cuestan dinero; deberíamos tener en cuenta eso antes de hacernos a ellas, no después.

La primera vez que se me ha quebrado la pantalla de un celular fue recién ayer. Un golpe seco, por una caída de un metro de altura (ha habido otras de metro y medio en las que nada pasó), que justo le hizo ir a dar contra alguna piedrita o algún resalto pequeño. La pantalla se golpeó justo en un borde y dejó varios quiebres radiales, que igual no se prolongaron más allá de la región inferior.

Todavía funciona, no me estoy rebanando el dedo al usar el teléfono. Sigo encontrando francamente inútil el cuidar de lo que debería cuidar de sí mismo.

Ranthought - 20170915

Así como cuando uno usa un mirror de Arch Linux alojado en Colombia que no le bota a uno actualizaciones por un mes.

Así, así como cuando recreas la lista de mirrors y...

Total Download Size:   1112.16 MiB
Total Installed Size:  4209.99 MiB
Net Upgrade Size:        98.91 MiB

Breadth

Many times I asked myself or got asked about the reasons in depth to get out somewhere else, abroad, to do whatever comes, either learning how to do proper research or work in something I enjoyed enough.

Maybe you don't want it badly enough

It seems like you don't want that and it's ok

Why the urge? Why do you want to leave that much?

It took time and sadness to get the insight I needed. It has always been a search for a broader world. A struggle to broaden my personal experience of life, routine, the world and everything in between. To experience all that. To make use of my abilities to make that possible. That's exactly why it felt odd when things didn't come along and why it felt so personal (apart from the pride brought down to pieces).

I might never be something close to a conformist person. Ever. Even after all the issues and problems related to that neverending thirst for something more. MOAR. Yet, I enforce this mind diet where I keep the thirst and the privilege check in balance. I'm not entitled to my wishes and I've overcome quite a lot already. Maybe I can just settle down and breath.

Maybe I can try something else in a little while. Maybe I don't want any more Big Dreams© but somehow, it feels like those are the ones that push our mood up the most. Living my small life holds for a while but at times I really struggle to keep it together.

Maybe I just need a cat.

Intimacy

I literally* can't count the number of times I have been left astonished by the fragility of the masculine pride and the heights reached by its counterpart, the masculine shyness.

In the office's restroom for men, there's a door to one of the toilets that was made about five milimeters too wide and most people struggles to make it fit and lock whatever the cost. Things rattle and clash with each other. Huffs and puffs can be heard. Anything but the chance to leave a diminute space to be seen (theoretically, of course) or to be caught off guard white taking a dump or peeing.

Why are we raised with that need to stay covered from others? What's there to be lost?

* I know when to use literally. I really meant it. I have no way to count the occasions it happened because several have already slipped out of my mind. But I can recall the feeling.

Ranthought - 20170910

If you are paying taxes, maybe things are going good enough for you. Seems like a good omen, ain't it?